epiphany :)

So, statistics say that you've already tried a diet or two, and if you haven't then congratulations; I'm envious. However if you have tried a diet, maybe it worked, maybe it didn't, chances are you've put the weight back on. You might have even put more back on than you started off with.

I know you've probably heard this before, but the truth is that when I set these rigid restrictions upon my eating habits, the urge to break them only grows. Small binges (or large binges in many cases) become all the more tempting, and leave me feeling all the more guilty, ashamed and depressed afterwards. Reaching for something to nibble on seems entirely unavoidable and breaking the habit (and kicking the chocolate) might be manageable for a day or two, but in the long run I feel myself falling down an endless spiral of failure and self-deprecation. 

Why does this happen? It's because I committed myself to a quick fix, something that deep down I knew that I couldn't (and wouldn't) stick to and as a result, surprise surprise, I didn't stick to it. The result? I feel hopeless - will I ever look the way I want?

You've probably also heard before that to really look and feel healthy you need to make a lifestyle change, but I find that committing myself to salads for the rest of my life has me scrambling for my emergency chocolate supply quicker than ever. What I found recently was that I can't define my new lifestyle while looking towards the future, I needed it to be in the present. That might be a bit of an abstract thought, but I promise to explain everything, and hopefully inspire a person or two, because I'm feeling pretty empowered by my new state of mind.

It's an old cliche, but for what I'm about to tell it really rung true for me; if you want to be successful, you need to believe in yourself. You need to remain positive and reinforce the positives in your life. You need to learn to love yourself and your body, because if you don't love something how can you expect to give it the care and attention it deserves? How could I love and care for my body if every time I looked in the mirror I felt sick?

So instead of looking in the mirror and hating myself, I decided that I needed to love myself. I told myself that I wasn't just going to be healthy, I was healthy. I am healthy. By telling myself that I was beautiful and that I was healthy and fit and energetic, I trained my subconscious to believe me. I sound a bit crazy, but the truth is that with a positive mindset I wasn't forcing myself to chose a salad, I wanted to and was happy to choose the salad. Of course I allow myself the occasional treats too (otherwise I'd go insane from deprivation), but I found that the more I thought of myself as someone who loves healthy foods and exercise, the more I started to become that person.

Here's a list that I wrote when I decided to make this change:

- I am slim and healthy.

- I am in control.

- I chose what I eat and I chose what is best for me and my body.

- I am successful.

- I am admirable.

- I deserve respect.

- I love my body and I love myself.

Not long ago this list wouldn't have been true at all, but every day now it becomes more and more my reality. This change is only a recent one, but I'm really optimistic about the future. I plan on weighing myself in a couple of weeks to see if any changes have occurred, but that doesn't really matter. I've experienced the best change already and that's the way I look at myself and feel about myself.

Ok, sappy monologue over. I just wanted to get that lot of cliched gibberish out there, just so that this whole new mentality can grow and become even more so my reality :)

Ok, so I've needed some motivation to kick me back into gear, and this picture just about did it for me. I'm a fairly curvy girl (although my boobs aren't quite that big!), and I've always felt as though that makes me look chunkier than I am. Well, perhaps that's not entirely true.

Sure, I know that Diora Baird is a freak of nature and that I'm never going to live up to her photoshopped goddess-ness, but daym, there's something to aspire to!

It makes me realise that I can be healthy and toned and make my curves work for me - not against me. I don't need to look short and squat, I can be lean and sexy. What's stopping me?

My diet over the next four months (in the lead up to formal) consists not of starvation, but of:

- Lean proteins to keep me fuller for longer.

- Low-fat dairy to minimize the absorption of fats.

- Soups, again to keep me fuller for longer.
- Light salads, fruits, and vegetables to replace snacking.
- The occasional bite of naughtiness, to keep me sane.


These little rules came from the The Truth About Food from the BBC, the episode about how to lose weight. A lot of it was really interesting, and I'm a bit of an everyday science nut myself :)


However, the real goal lies not within attempting to avoid sweets at every corner (because let's face it, that's never going to happen), but within limiting my calorie intake.


I'm trying to cut back my calorie intake from the base level of 1710 calories, down to 1200 calories. By cutting out 500 calories a day, I should be able to lose 6 kilograms by formal - score.


Let's start with some basic stats:


Height: 157 cm
Weight: 58.5 kg
BMI: 23.7


Goal BMI: 21.3

"When you expect success, your mind focuses on success."

I will expect success, and I will earn it. Nothing is impossible.

Too much of a good thing.

I had been going so well with my dieting. I've been restricting myself to approx. 1200 calories per day, plus exercise when I have the time and it's not too hot.

Then this happened:

I over indulged on peanut butter toast and ice-cream. I was a whopping 700 calories over my target! I went for a short swim (which really is nothing but a warm-up for me because I can't swim) and a 20 minute run. This brings me back down to a range where I wouldn't have put any real amount of weight on today, but I still neglected to move any closer to my goal.

It was just so hot today! And the ice-cream was really yummy (even if I did eat it like a little kid and let little bits drip onto the floor... not my fault!)

So I'm kind of disappointed in myself, but I shall make up for it tomorrow - we're having a sushi lunch.

Dinner...ables.

So, I was in a cooking sort of mood today (meaning that I ate way too much, but went for a run so hopefully that will all balance out) and decided to cook dinner for me and le petit frere.


I decided on pizza (quick & yummy with a thighload of comforting carbs) using a really thick base. Kind of like the pizza rolls that you can get at bakers delight -- or any bakery really.

So the side with the spinach was for me, the side without for my little brother. These photos don't quite portray the awesomeness that was the piles of tomatoes, cheese (tasty, mozzarella & parmesan!), chicken, olives, leafy bits and the deliciously thick dough, but you can kinda get the point.

I'm not a fantastic cook by any means of the world (once I actually set the spatula on fire and the whole house had to be evacuated from the fumes), but when I'm in the right sort of mood I absolutely love to just give it a go. I usually work with leftovers, but that's alright.

Anyway, hopefully I will be a little more calorie conscious tomorrow and spare myself the carbs -- as much as it pains me!

I'm desperate to get back down to the size 8 (AU) I was before I went away.

Lunchables.

I made myself a really yummy lunch today. I mixed together some leftovers from the fridge (lots of veggies & some spinach based indian curry) with mashed potatoes (I don't mash them too much and I leave the skin on for a chunkier texture) and onions to make some veggie patties. I cooked them in a fry pan with a little bit of oil until the outside was a bit crunchy but the inside was nice and soft and potatoey -- just the way I like them! 

Unfortunately we were out of whole-grain bread, so I couldn't really have the healthy sandwich/burger that I'd been envisioning, but the end result was pretty darn good. 

Isn't it beautiful? Ok, maybe it's not the most gorgeous piece of sandwich art you've ever seen, but it was pretty damn yummy. Adding a little bit of spinach curry to the potato patty base was a fantastic idea, even if I did end up with green burgers. They're just emphasising the veggie in veggie burger.

So this was my yummy, (almost) healthy treat for the day. The scary numbers on my scales and clothes since I've come back from France has really started to kick me into gear with the whole health thing.

Hopefully it will last more than a couple of days this time.

Francophone.

Over the summer holidays I was lucky enough to spend a month in Lyon, France. I had been looking forward to the experience for months (well, duh) imagining exotic french fashion, exotic french parties with my new exotic french friends. Unfortunately the actual experience was not quite as I had imagined. That's not to say that it wasn't a fantastic experience -- it really was. My only complaint would have to lie within the conservative and closed minded nature of many (not all, but many) of the 'exotic' french people I came across.

I'm not sure whether that was à cause de la wealthy, private school I attended with my host sister or the hesitance that the french feel towards anglophones (specifically americans and the english, of which I am neither), but the end result was not the most welcoming of feelings.

It really made me appreciate the open minded perspective Australia has towards foreigners and non-native speakers. I know that we are no where near ideal in terms of tolerance -- you only have to turn on sky news to know that much, but at least we have escaped from the relentless, narrow-minded patriotism that lies within many of the older empires. I love that coming home to Australia people will freely talk to people that they've never met without the cold formality of 'vous', the french word for 'you' that's used for strangers, seniors or people that you really just don't want to know. Here, par contre, a friendly 'Thanks mate' is perfectly acceptable -- who gives a damn about formalities?

Another thing I missed about home was the spicy taste of a good Indian curry -- oh! and sushi, how could I forget? French food was lovely. The bread was amazing, the cheese plentiful and the potatoes to die for (I gained a whopping 3 kilos thanks to them!), but I missed the variety that I'm used to back home. Not that I'm complaining, I loved indulging in crepes and croissants every time I hit up 'Le Rue de la Republique' for some shopping.

On that note, let's talk about the shopping. France is known as the fashion capital of the world (although technically that's Paris, so Lyon really isn't the most ideal case-study), and the shops were filled with timeless classics. I bought (two) classic french striped shirts, (two) pairs of very reasonably priced jeans (even after the euro-AU conversion!), a beautiful blazer from H&M (again, reasonably priced), along with many other (quasi-)timeless pieces that I know will last me several seasons. The only fault that can be drawn from the French shopping centre is the lack of unique and edgy pieces that can't be found in every other store within a 500km radius. I mean, at first the shopping was lovely, but after 6 weeks I was sick to death of seeing black, white and grey in every shop I entered. Maybe I was just in all the wrong shops. If that's the case then I blame my host sister.

I guess that's what made returning to Melbourne all the more enjoyable though. Today I was able to walk around the CBD with my bestie and check out all those little quirky shops hidden away from sight. We also managed to incorporate our own little taste of France by visiting 'Le Creperie le Triskel' on Hardware Lane for some crepes and coffee where we were mistaken for Quebecers by some Mauritian tourists. The coffee was great, the crepes were better, and the waiters complimented and aided our broken French.

The day was made even better when we were practising our french on the train home (yes, we are just THAT cool) and were again mistaken for foreigners. Despite not being by a french native speaker this time it was still pretty cool.

Anyway, back on topic, my French adventure didn't quite live up to my expectations, but I'm ok with that. I'm looking forward to going back in the future with a couple of friends and a whole lot more vocab and trying things again. Until then I'm happy francophoning it up Melbourne style.